Troy: I'm Here To Tell You About `Spiffy!', The Twenty-first-century Stain Remover.
Troy: I'm here to tell you about `Spiffy!', the twenty-first-century
stain remover. Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera.
Nick: Thank you, Troy! Hi, everybody!
All: Hi, Dr. Nick!
-- I Can't Believe They Invented It! "Saturdays of
Troy: Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such movies as `Cry, Yuma' and `Here Comes the Coast Guard'!
But today I'd like to tell you about a pleasant-tasting candy that actually cleans and straightens your teeth!...
Okay, I'll throw in a <fourth> bottle, the applicator glove, and a state of Kansas jell-o mold.
$29.95! [crowd goes wild] -- Dr. Nick Riviera hawks `Spiffy' on I Can't Believe They Invented It!...
Riviera: Hi, everybody! Board: [unenthused] Hi, Dr.
Nick. -- At a malpractice board hearing, "Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield...
Nick: Hi everybody! I'm Dr. Nick Riviera. PA
Doctor Riviera, Doctor Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner immediately!...
Nick: Troy, I brought with me the gravestone of author and troubled soul Edgar Allen Poe!
[exhibits a grimy tombstone] Troy: One of our best writers....
Nick: I'm offering three bottles, enough to clean one thousand tombstones, for only $
39.95! All: Booo! [a chair is heaved on stage] Troy...
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Homer+Bart: Hi Doctor Nick!
Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously underweighted individuals like yourself....
Nick: Hi, everybody! Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick! Nick: If something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved!
One hand washes the other. Oh, that reminds me!...
Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you.
[reads from clipboard] Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant....