Burns: The one who shot me was...[camera pans to Smithers]
Aah! Aah! Waylon Smithers!
Smithers: [pained] Noo! Wait a minute: yes.
Burns: With the sun blocker in place and the town aghast, I was on
top of the world. So I wanted to kick up my heels and indulge
my sweet tooth.
[walks toward parking lot]
I feel like celebrating. [sees Maggie] Oh, it's you. What
are you so happy about?
[she smiles, holding up a lollipop]
[gasps] I see.
[voiceover] Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take
candy from a baby. But with him out of the picture, I was
free to wallow in my own crapulence. Or so I thought -- but
at the last moment, Smithers, drunk as a lemur, lurched out of
the darkness and fired.
Smithers: [remembering] That's right. Right before I shot Jasper. Hmm,
I was busy that night.
Burns: [voiceover] Stricken, I lurched forth in search of aid, but
finding only slack-jawed gawkers, I gave up and collapsed on
Lisa: Then, with your last ounce of strength, you pointed to W and
S: "Waylon Smithers".
Marge: Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and that you've
recovered and that we can all get back to normal.
Burns: Not exactly. Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving
you a 5% pay cut.
Smithers: [howling] Ohh.
Troy: But of course, for that ending to work, you would have to
ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. [laughs] And that would
be downright nutty.
-- The alternate ending to 2F20 ("Who Shot Mr. Burns?
Part Two"), "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"