Abe: Why Are You People Avoiding Me? Does My Withered Face Remind You Of The Grim Specter Of Death?

HomeFortune CookiesThe Simpsons

Abe: Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind
you of the grim specter of Death?
Homer: [pause] Yes, but there's more. [sits down on the couch]
Dad, I love you, but -- [angry] you're a weird, sore-headed
old crank and nobody likes you!
Abe: Consarn it! I guess I am an old crank. But what am I going
to do about it?
[On TV, mellow music plays and three old people drink Buzz
Cola. Suddenly, they're transformed into partiers. An old
man with an H. R. Beck guitar wears Hawaiian shorts]
Old man: One sip and I'm totally hip!
Announcer: Buzz Cola. There's a little boogie in every bottle.
Abe: Holy smokes, that's it! From now on I'm thinkin', actin',
and lookin' young, and I'm gonna start with a bottle of Buzz
[Grabs it from Homer, starts to chug]
Oh! Ah! Ow! The bubbles are burning my tongue! Ow! Oh!
Water! water!
-- It was the thought that counted,
"Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"