Homer: Dad, I Have A Problem. Abe: Why Did You Come To Me?
Homer: Dad, I have a problem.
Abe: Why did you come to me? I don't know nothin'. I used to get by
on my looks. Now they're gone...withered away like an old piece
Homer: Are you done?
-- Homer, sympathy king, "Lisa's First Word"
She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks, and a clean credit record, and thinks, "Why me?
What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of......
Barney: I'm with you, Homer! McAllister: I be with ya too, matey.
Skinner: I'm with you, Homer. Moe: You're the man, Homer....
Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
Homer: [gasps] You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing!
He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!...
Lisa: And now it's time for the Innocence Report with Homer Simpson.
[holds sign: "Innocence Report"] Homer: Hello....
Homer: Lisa, honey, are you going to be OK? Lisa: Bleeding Gums was my hero and I never got to tell him how I felt.
Homer: Oh, I'm sure he knew, and I'm sure that wherever he is now, he's happy....
Abe: Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of Death?
Homer: [pause] Yes, but there's more. [sits down on the couch] Dad, I love you, but -- [angry] you're a weird, sore-headed old crank and nobody likes you!...
Malloy: Homer, old chap, well done. If anyone was going to catch me, I'm glad it was you.
Homer: Actually, it wasn't me, it was my dad, Grampa....