Related:

• Lisa: Dad, remember how you said going to Itchy and Scratchy Land would be too damned expensive?
  Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days....
• Lisa enters the parents' bedroom with Bart in tow] Lisa
  Mom, Dad! Bart's dead! [Homer and Marge wake up, gasp] Ba...
• Bart: Well, yeah, Mom. I mean, we love you and Dad too, but God knows we don't need to see you every day.
  Marge: An occasional hug is all I ask. [hugs him] Ba...
• Marge: Now wait a minute, I'm not sure about this. Every time we've ever gone on vacation I end up being horribly embarrassed.
  We end up in a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left....
• Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer? Home
  Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs....
• You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.
  -- Homer watches Itchy and Scratchy, "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge...
• Bart: Dad? Homer: Aw, I kicked one of those stupid Itchy characters in the butt.
  Bart: Yeah. There's just no way to resist it, is there....
• I guess one person make a difference, but most of the time, they probably shouldn't.
  -- Marge, "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge...
• Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me.
  So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table....