Bart: Hey Dad, Can You Move Your Head? Homer: No, I Can't.
Bart: Hey Dad, can you move your head?
Homer: No, I can't. It's broken...
-- Is it in a cast? "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge"
Lisa: Dad, remember how you said going to Itchy and Scratchy Land would be too damned expensive?
Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days....
Lisa enters the parents' bedroom with Bart in tow] Lisa
Mom, Dad! Bart's dead! [Homer and Marge wake up, gasp] Ba...
Bart: Well, yeah, Mom. I mean, we love you and Dad too, but God knows we don't need to see you every day.
Marge: An occasional hug is all I ask. [hugs him] Ba...
Marge: Now wait a minute, I'm not sure about this. Every time we've ever gone on vacation I end up being horribly embarrassed.
We end up in a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left....
Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer? Home
Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs....
You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.
-- Homer watches Itchy and Scratchy, "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge...
Bart: Dad? Homer: Aw, I kicked one of those stupid Itchy characters in the butt.
Bart: Yeah. There's just no way to resist it, is there....
I guess one person
make a difference, but most of the time, they probably shouldn't.
-- Marge, "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge...
Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me.
So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table....