Related:

• Probably the worst thing about being Jewish during Christmastime is shopping in stores, because the lines are so long.
  They should have a Jewish express line: "Look, I'm a Jew, it's not a gift....
• When a man marries a women to educate her, and the women marries the man to reform him, it is not marriage
  it is a sign that two idiots have met....
• The best gift of all: the presence of a happy family wrapped up in one another.
• Show your appreciation for your lover by surprising him/her with a small gift.
• Gypsy: [roaming her hands over a picture of Skinner] I see wedding bells for Vanna White and Teddy Kennedy.
  Wiggum: Please, Princess Opal, if we could just stick to Principal Skinner....
• Okay, I won't open it until then -- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been presented with an empty box that was to contain a gift from a sailing team in South America.
  He was told that the gift was not ready yet, but that it would be presented to him when they arrived in the United States....
• Lisa: [breathless] Hello, I need "Ecosystem of the Marsh" by Thompson.
  Librarian: The last copy was just signed out by......
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A shy teenage boy finally worked up the nerve to give a gift to Maddona, a young puppy.
  It hitched its waggin' to a star. A girl spent a couple hours on the phone talking to her two best friends, Maureen Jones, and Maureen Brown....