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• I was walking down Madison Avenue and I saw a very good-looking tie in a shop window.
  So I went in. Before I could say anything the manager said, "Oh, Tony Randall!...
• Here lies Nunnally Johnson. If I don't come back, go right ahead without me. -- Written on grave
• I told you I was ill. -- Written on grave
• If this is a joke--I don't get it. -- Written on grave
• Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother--she looks like my father. -- Tony Randall
• Chalmers: Boys and girls, because of Mr. Skinner's sudden departure, I've had to appoint a new principal.
  Leopold? [hulking Leopold stands, and everyone gasps in fear] Leopold...
• Here lies Irvin S. Cobb, not that it makes any difference. -- Written on grave
• TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? -- Zippy the Pinhead
• Tony: I am thrilled you decided to let your boy continue to work here.
  Homer: You know, if you need a hat-check girl, I've got a daughter....