Related:

• DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PRESCRIPTION, n. A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Mausoleum, n. The final and funniest folly of the rich.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
  Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name....
• DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...