Related:

• GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PRESCRIPTION, n. A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
  This disease, like _caries_ and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditio...
• Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary...
• EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity.
  It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• INDIGESTION, n. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind.
  As the simple Red Man of the western wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force...