Related:

• A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?
  . "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man....
• A termite walked into a bar and asked "Is the bartender here?
• I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"?
  I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife....
• Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
  "One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure knows when to stop....
• Bart flicks a pocket knife open and closed repeatedly] Ma
  You call that a knife? _This_ is a knife. Ba...
• A skeleton walked into a bar and said, Hi, can I have a beer and a mop?
• The fellow sat down at a bar, ordered a drink and asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a dumb-jock joke.
  "Hey, buddy," the bartender replied, "you see those two guys next to you?...
• Homer: The last bar in Springfield...if they don't let me in here, I'm going to have to quit drinking!
  Homer's liver: Yay! Homer: Shut up, liver!...
• If you have nothing worth while to say, don't open your mouth, and people won't see the sawdust.