Related:

• A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?
  . "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man....
• I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.
  She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on....
• A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.
  The man sitting next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm* Polish....
• Bart flicks a pocket knife open and closed repeatedly] Ma
  You call that a knife? _This_ is a knife. Ba...
• A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Since when did you have sawdust on the floor?
  That's not sawdust," the bartender said. "It's last night's furniture." -- Joey Adam...
• A piece of string goes into a bar, climbs up on a stool and orders a martini.
  Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve no strings in this joint....
• Moe: Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking. Bart: Is Jock there?
  Moe: Who? Bart: Jock, last name Strap. Moe: Uh, hold on....
• Bart: Hey, boy, you want to play fetch? [SLH looks up, tired, then puts his head back down] Aw.
  Me and Santa's Little Helper used to be a team, but he never wants to play any more since his bitch moved in....
• Climbing onto a bar stool, a piece of string asked for a beer.
  "Wait a minute. Aren't you a string?" "Well, yes, I am....