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• I see!, said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
• I 'll give you leave to call me anything, if you don't call me "spade.
  -- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) -- Polite Conversation, Dialogue ii...
• I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
  o i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5." He said,"What you need is to grow up, son.
  I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old, And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun....
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• Bart: Dad, I love you, but, you taught me to win. Home
  When did I ever teach you that? Bart: Well, I picked it up somewhere. -- "Saturdays of Thunde...
• I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.
  One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing....