Related:

• A young man enters the New York branch of Tiffany's on a Friday evening and walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces.
  He turns to a gorgeous woman, who is obviously windowshopping, looks her straight in the eye and says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace....
• A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard.
  One of the men gets out and goes into the office....
• Gross denial: when Larry King says he's not liberal 144 times.
• A blind man comes into a drugstore and starts knocking things off the shelf with his cane.
  The owner says, "Can I help you?" He says, "No, thanks, just looking." -- Gallaghe...
• A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket.
  How old's your kid?" the conductor says, and the father says "He's four years old....
• An old man lost all his money. Seventy years old, hasn't got a dime.
  Who does he blame? His wife. He says, "If you were a good wife, you'd go out and work for me....
• This guy comes over to my house and says, "I want to read your gas meter.
  I said, "Whatever happened to the classics?" -- Emo Philip...
• Simon says, "Give me ALL your taglines!
• I'm sitting in a bar, having a drink. Over here is a man having a drink.
  He falls down three times. I pick him up each time....