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• A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
  Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone....
• A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
  Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone....
• I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto you buttocks and start yowling and running around.
  Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, "Hey, let's put him in the movie....
• I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp.
  That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him....
• Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS?
  It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings.
  So instead, I call it a "speech improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement....
• I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns---regular sun and "rogue" sun.
  That way, when somebody asked me what time it was, I'd say, "Regular time?...
• When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Insert dynamite in drive B: light fuse when ready...