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• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay In better spirits night and day.
• I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps coming back.
• Oh, call my brother back to me! I cannot play alone
  The summer comes with flower and bee,-- Where is my brother gone?...
• I think my wife may be getting somewhat overweight.
  "Oh, how can you tell?" "Well, last night when she sat on my face, I couldn't hear the stereo....
• Fled Murmuring, and with him fled the shades of night.
  -- John Milton (1608-1674) -- Paradise Lost, Book iv, Line 1014...
• Chandler: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.
  Joey: Karen. Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her....
• My wife loves ME, It's the computer she hates!
• Barney: [finishing up his beer] Well, I gotta go.
  I got a date with the lady in front of the drug store who's always yelling things....