Related:

• Cavendish: A variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads to major scientific discoverie
  hence, the name of a British research laboratory where the tobacco is smoked in abundance....
• Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.
  -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary...
• Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory explosions.
  -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary...
• Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
  -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary...
• CAI: Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction". The modern system of training professional scientists without ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of laboratory work.
  Graduates of CAI-based programs are very good at simulated research....
• Chemical: A substance that: 1) An organic chemist turns into a foul odo
  2) an analytical chemist turns into a procedure...
• Flush twice - this has to go all the way to the cafeteria! -- Toilet graffiti
• TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details.
  Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice....
• Biological Science: A contradiction in terms. -- The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary