Related:

• I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?
  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks....
• Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself?
  That's how I feel all the time. -- Steven Wrigh...
• You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over?
  Well, that's how I feel all the time. -- Steven Wrigh...
• If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or doo
  if you brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled- up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and repeat the sequence....
• I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop
• If I could read your mind, love, What a tale your thoughts could tell
  Just like a paperback novel, The kind the drugstore sells, When you reach the part where the heartaches come, The hero would be me, Heroes often fail, You won't read that book again, because the ending is just too hard to take....
• You know you should be swimming when . . . You catch yourself balancing a beach ball on the end of your nose.
• You may be redneck... if you feel cow tipping should be an Olympic event.