Related:

• Even now, I go to someone's house and think I am being a good guest if I am very quiet, don't ask for anything, and refuse anything that's offered.
  This behavior makes other people think of me as a nincompoop....
• This ain't as good as sex---but it's safer!
• Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. -- Garrison Keillo
• I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. -- Garrison Keillo
• Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. -- Garrison Keillo
• You have taught me to value a good night's sleep over all else including adventures of love and friendship, and even when the night is charged with magic, to be sure to get to bed.
  If God had not meant everyone to be in bed by ten-thirty, He would never have provided the ten o'clock newscast....
• There is good sex and there is bad sex but chocolate is always chocolate.
• Sex is only as good as you make it.
• On this morning in August when I was 13, my mother sent us out pick tomatoes.
  Back in April I'd have killed for a fresh tomato, but in August they are no more rare or wonderful than rocks....