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• I'm always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning .
  . . Every day I find something creative to do with my life....
• One morning, four years ago, something happened that I will never forget.
  I woke up, and I looked at myself in the mirror, because I happened to wake up in the bathroom, and I said to myself, "Dave, you have a wonderful wife, you have a newborn son, you have a good job, you have friends who care about you, you have a lawn mower that starts on the second or third pull--you have everything a man could possibly want, and a whole lifetime ahead of you to enjoy it in....
• Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires.
  Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks....
• Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires.
  Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks....
• Irish plumbers have volunteered to fix Niagara Falls.
• A recent survey conclusively proves that the reason why most women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning is because they haven't any balls to scratch.
• I HAVE no powers. Q, the ordinary. "Q, the liar. Q, the misanthrope.
  Q, the miserable. Q, the desperate. What must I do to convince you people?...