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• If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw. -- W. C. Field
• You can't cheat an honest man, never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Buzz: Homer, you broke the handle. Race: With that hatch open, we'll burn up on re-entry!
  That's it: if I go, I'm taking you to hell with me....
• Don't worry about your heart. It will last you as long as you live. -- W. C. Field
• Do you know the meaning of rigor mortis? Well, you will in a minute. -- W. C. Field
• Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed. -- W. C. Field
• I give good back.
• Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  -- W. C. Field...