Related:

• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....
• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....
• Don't worry about your heart. It will last you as long as you live. -- W. C. Field
• If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw." -- W. C. Field
• If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw. -- W. C. Field
• You can't cheat an honest man, never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
  -- W. C. Field...