Related:

• AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I AM INNOCENT - But He won't be there at the committal proceedings.
• Ladies and gentlemen, and especially little children.
  I'm glad you're all here to witness what may very well be my grisly death....
• Phoebe: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know
  I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too....
• Old Barlow was a crossing-tender at a junction where an express train demolished an automobile and it's occupants.
  Being the chief witness, his testimony was vitally important....
• Texas A&M football coach Jackie Sherrill went to the office of the Dean of Academics because he was concerned about his players' mental abilities.
  "My players are just too stupid for me to deal with them", he told the unbelieving dean....
• Homer: [gasps] You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing!
  He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!...
• Bart: Mr. Burns, I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I want to go home to my family.
  Burns: [sighs] I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this, but....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I remember Massingbird's most famous case - the Case of the Bloody Knife.
  A man was found next to the murdered body. He had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim, and when the police arrived, he said, "I'm glad I killed the bastard"....