Related:

• picture shows a green line] Bart: There's nothing wrong with your television set.
  Do not attempt to adjust your picture. _We_ are controlling the transmission....
• Did you hear that the Pope's next pronouncement on birth control is to be titled "Paul's Epistle to the Fallopians".
• However old you are, our probability of death within the next hour is never equal to one
  there is therefore no final barrier that we will encounter. -- A Jacquard...
• TV: Hear Me Roar, the Network for Women. In the next half-hour, we'll show you how to cut your first-aid bill in half by making your own band-aids.
  Marge: Ooh, that's a good idea. TV: Now before we begin, you need five yards of sterilized cotton....
• Now it's time to say goodbye To all our company... M-I-C (see you next week!
  ) K-E-Y (Why? Because we LIKE you!) M-O-U-S-E....
• Did you hear about the Newfie that Thought "no kidding" was meant to be birth control.
• Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
  Thus we allocate 2 days for a one-hour task. -- Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule...
• Selma: Are you gay? Troy: Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem!
  No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost....
• As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
  You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone......