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• When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
• When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. -- Erma Bombeck
• Telephone books are like dictionaries -- if you know the answer before you look it up, you can eventually reaffirm what you thought you knew but weren't sure.
  But if you're searching for something you don't already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death....
• An ugly carpet will last forever. -- Erma Bombeck
• Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
• I'm used to dogs. When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
  A cat would never put up with that kind of rejection....
• God created man, but I could do better. -- Erma Bombeck
• Housework can kill you if done right. -- Erma Bombeck