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• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.
  ' -- Jay Leno...
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a Headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.
  ' -- Comedian Jay Leno...
• Guest hosting for Jay Leno tonight is you.
• On Presidents Day you stay home and you don't do anything.
  Sounds like Vice Presidents Day! -- Jay Leno...
• Moe: Hello. Homer: Moe, what are you doing here? Moe
  What? What, a bartender can't come by and say hi to his best customer?...
• If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno!
• New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
  -- Jay Leno...
• Marge: All right: it's time to vote for the grand prize.
  Jay: I vote for Barney Gumbel's sensitive yet unfortunately-titled film, "Pukahontas"....
• Marge: Homer, the guest should get the last pork chop.
  Homer: But I'm still hungry! [under the table, Jay's and Homer's stomach growl at each other like dogs] [Homer's frightens Jay's into whimpering] Jay...