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• Guest hosting for Arsenio Hall tonight is you.
• Guest hosting for David Letterman tonight is you.
• Guest hosting for Rush Limbaugh tonight is Eric Biesterfeld.
• If you move the TV any closer to the bed I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno!
• On Presidents Day you stay home and you don't do anything.
  Sounds like Vice Presidents Day! -- Jay Leno...
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'?
  -- Jay Leno...
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.
  ' -- Jay Leno...
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a Headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.
  ' -- Comedian Jay Leno...
• If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do
  Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet." -- Jay Leno...