Related:

• Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like thumbscrews.
• You know you're in trouble when... (1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
  (2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. (3) Your income tax check bounces....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
• The honeymoon is over when he says, "You CAN'T start labor now--it's my bowling night!
• You know it is going to be a rotten day when... You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your spouse.
• You know it's going to be a rotten day when... you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when your twin brother forgot your birthday.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: your twin sister forgets your birthday.