Related:

• This gun shoots backwards ... I've just killed myself. -- Woody Allen, "Casino Royale
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
  -- Woody Allen [on Epistemology]...
• My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
  -- Woody Allen, on Epistemology...
• I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. -- Woody Alle
• I can't do anything to the death - doctor's orders." -- Woody Allen, "Love and death
• I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year. . . for cheating on my metaphysics final.
  You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me....
• Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
  -- Woody Alle...
• This morning I abused my electric toaster. Tonight the elevator held me hostage in revenge.
  -- Woody Alle...