Related:

• Just as the prisoner was being strapped into the electric chair, the priest said, "Son, is there anything I can do for you?
  The prisoner said, "Yeah, when they pull the switch, hold my hand." -- Dick Gregory...
• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  -- Dick Gregory...
• The Army spent two billion dollars for flyswatters to send to Alaska.
  When the flyswatters got up there they found there wasn't no flies in Alaska....
• I am a Klingon, sir. For me to seek escape when my captain goes to battle.
  .. "You are a Star Fleet officer, Lieutenant." Aye, Sir....
• When a girl ceases to blush, she has lost the most powerful charm of her beauty. -- Gregory I
• A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
• I love football ... Football's a fair sport for my people.
  Only sport in the world a Negro can chase a white man and 40,000 people stand up and cheer him....
• I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted!
  Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, "Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes....
• She: Why do you want me to hold your earlobes when we kiss?
  He: I once lost my wallet kissing, and it's not going to happen again....