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• Marge: Homey, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life.
  Homer: Of course not, Marge, just for the rest of his life....
• Casey came home from seeing the doctor looking very worried.
  His wife said, "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life....
• I was an infinitely hot and dense dot. -- Mark Leyne
• The best advice I've ever received? How about the strangest?
  When I was thirteen, my father took me aside and told me that all a girl needed to know to get by in life was written on the top of a mayonnaise jar....
• I never know what to get my father for his birthday.
  I gave him a hundred dollars and said, "Buy yourself something that will make your life easier....
• After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $...
• Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder Microsoft's Dancing Paper Clip turned violent last week and nearly killed a university student testing a new Windows-based human-computer interface.
  The victim is expected to make a full recovery, although psychiatrists warn that the incident may scar him emotionally for life....
• You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than sue
  Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -- Pray, how did you manage to do it?...
• You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than sue
  Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -- Pray, how did you manage to do it?...