Related:

• Bart: Lisa...look what I've got. Ta da! [shows BG album] Lisa
  [gasps] Bart, I can't believe it! But why? Bart: When I said my stomach hurt, you were the only one who believed me....
• I got this computer for my wife... WHAT A TRADE!
• What did the procedure say when the control program called it? I was framed.
• My baby's got something I can't resist.
• I'd love to, but... I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
  -- 11 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO...
• I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old.
  When do I get my money?...
• We invented a new protocol and called it Kermit, after Kermit the Frog, star of "The Muppet Show.
  [3] [3] Why? Mostly because there was a Muppets calendar on the wall when we were trying to think of a name, and Kermit is a pleasant, unassuming sort of character....
• I used to be normal, then I got my computer...
• When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat.
  Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, "Now, what wine goes with that?...