Related:

• I really can't come to your party Mrs. Parker, I can't bear fools.
  That's strange; your mother could. -- Dorothy Parke...
• Just wait until I reply to YOUR reply!
• A blind man comes into a drugstore and starts knocking things off the shelf with his cane.
  The owner says, "Can I help you?" He says, "No, thanks, just looking." -- Gallaghe...
• A young man enters the New York branch of Tiffany's on a Friday evening and walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces.
  He turns to a gorgeous woman, who is obviously windowshopping, looks her straight in the eye and says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace....
• An undertaker calls a son-in-law: "About your mother-in-law, should we embalm her, cremate her, or bury her?
  He says, "Do all three. Don't take chances." -- Myron Cohe...
• Lenny: See, all along I've been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen.
  Now, he's coming over for dinner. Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like....
• If you ever have an accident, I hope you have on clean underwear.
  You're driving a truck--right into another truck....
• Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
  Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ....
• Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more.
  That's why you couldn't come to the party....