Related:

• I must say, when the doorman where I live puts up the Christmas tree in the lobby, he has the same friendly smile for those who have remembered him at Christmas and those who have not.
  Except that when he trims the tree, if you have not, there you are on the tree, hanging in effigy....
• I've got to hand it to the Venetians, though. I can't tell you how impressed I was with that city.
  Nowhere else in the world can you find a flood area bringing in so much tourist gold....
• Where can I get one of those computer bats!!
• By Decoration Day all Easter chicks are chickens. -- Selma Diamond
• In Sweden, where nudism is a general practice, the suicide rate is alarmingly high.
  Nudism may be a contributing factor. It's not unlikely that a potential suicide gets very depressed comparing himself with some of the others....
• I'm not completely worthless, I can always serve as a bad.
• BASEBALL A pointless little game in which a couple of dozen people run around a diamond formation as fast as they can, just to get back to where they started.
  Beats me why they didn't just stay at home base in the first place....
• The French fries are great. You can eat those or use them as dental floss.
  And the triple-thick milk shakes. Which you can drink or take home--pave the new driveway in front of your house ....
• A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.