Related:

• On the campaign trail last week, Pat Buchanan said
  "I don't want to attack Dan Quayle. That would be child abuse....
• I went to the doctor last week. He told me to take all my clothes off.
  Then he said, "You'll have to diet." I said, "What color?" -- Ken Dodd...
• I had a brand-new Mercury. I loaned it to my brother last week.
  I said, "Treat it as if it was your own." He sold it. -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)...
• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....
• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....
• I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
  Well, just last week I was at a Chinese restaurant and when I opened my fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table....
• Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. -- Steven Wrigh