Related:

• If God had meant for penguins to fly, he would have given them wings.
• If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.
• The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
  -- Joseph Heller, Catch22...
• A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies.
  Every time a fly landed on the web and was entangled in it the spider devoured him, so that when another fly came along he would think the web was a safe and quiet place in which to rest....
• Marge: Homer [knocks again] Homer, why aren't you at work?
  Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today....
• No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions.
  He had money as well. -- Margaret Thatche...
• Homer: [ahem] A lot of you would think I was crazy if I did this.
  [burns a dollar bill] Burns: He's crazy! -- Homer gives a speech, "Simpson and Delilah...
• When I received the Nobel Prize, the only big lump sum of money I have ever seen, I had to do something with it.
  The easiest way to drop this hot potato was to invest it, to buy shares....
• If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first.
  -- Mark Twain (1835-1910), The Celebrated Jumping Frog...