Related:

• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• Annoying flute music in background:) Good day, Jim.
  Your contact, Linda, is not available right now....
• Theme music from Peter Gunn:) My name is David. What people call me is something else entirely.
  I'm a P.I. It says so on my door. I would have been here to take your call, but then....
• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone.
  Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?...
• This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device.
  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call....
• Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.
  On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone....
• Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring.
  Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1....
• I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am.
  .. (or) I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person....