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• At a gas station, ASK ATTENDANT FOR HOSE.
• at the gas station] Homer: I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
  Attendant: It's your heart. And I think it's on it's last thump....
• Some guy came running in the other night and said, "Somebody stole my car!
  I said, "Did you see him?" He said, "No, but I got his license plate." -- Bill Barne...
• It wasn't my fault! Really it wasn't! An old friend came in out of town!
  The car ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare!...
• Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
• Alan Cox Releases Quantum Kernel Submitted by Dave Finton A surprising development in the linux-kernel mailing list surfaced when Alan Cox announced the release of a 2.
  2 Linux kernel existing both as an official stable kernel and as a prepatch kernel....
• A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty m.
  p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running alongside him, keeping pace with his car....
• You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.
• Bill Gates is surfing the Internet, collecting the URLs of anti-Micrsoft websites to send to the legal department for possible libel lawsuits.
  Suddenly the devil appears, and says, "Bill, I've got a deal for you....