Related:

• Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away with jealousy, greed, hate.
  ... It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness, sentiment -- the other side of the coin....
• Hi, dudes, this is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles' secret underground hideaway.
  I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back....
• Love is blind. And when you get married you get your eyesight back.
• Love is when you look into your lover's eyes and see God smiling back at you. -- Solomon Sho
• To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness.
  I did so at the age of four-and-a-half. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company....
• At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.
  But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?...
• Boy, get your head out of the stars above, You get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
  Save your heart and let your body be enough, To get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love....
• A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?
  The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop....
• You know you are not well when your greatest secret desire is to appear on a rerun of the Gong Show.