Related:

• Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
  -- Bill Vaugh...
• What this country needs is a law that when children grow up and leave home they have to take their dogs, cats, turtles, snakes and canaries with them.
  -- Bill Vaugh...
• The girl in the omnibus has one of those faces of marvellous beauty which are seen casually in the streets but never among one's friends.
  Where do these women come from? Who marries them? Who knows them?...
• Homer: [on the phone, disguising his voice] There's a $
  10,000 bill in it for you. Barney: Oh yeah? Which president's on it?...
• It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• First World" nations are the ones where people drive Japanese ca
  "Second World" nations are where First World residents go on vacatio...
• Show us a home with young children and we'll show you a home where every pack of cards counts out at between 37 and 51.
  -- Bill Vaugha...
• When a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be evenly divided among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks.
  -- Jack Germond...
• When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is. -- Robespierre