Related:

• The teacher asked three boys to write an essay. She said, "Write on what you would do if you had a million dollars, and bring it in tomorrow.
  So the next day the three little boys came in. She said to the first boy, "Percy, this is a nice essay on what you'd do with a million dollars....
• Disco Stu: [making indescribable body motions] Did you know that disco record sales were up 400/ for the year ending 1976?
  If these trends continue... A-y-y-y! [kicks his feet up on his desk wearing see-through platforms with water and fish inside] Home...
• Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little. It's a boy's best friend.
  -- Homer explains, "When Flanders Failed...
• If you have trouble attracting men, try ordering pizza instead.
  This way you can get whatever you like--the right size, the right toppings, and once the delivery boy is in your house, he's yours....
• You wouldn't want to meet the person of your dreams in a bar.
  'Cause when you get married and your little boy says, "Dad, what was it like when you first met Mom?...
• I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?
  "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you... See? Blue booties....
• Owner: If you are waiting for the Hi & Lois signing, it has been moved to the Springfield Coliseum.
  Bart: Please, you have something of mine on a little piece of paper....
• Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
• Here you go: your rubber training knife. You've attained the rank of "pussy willow"!