Related:

• I got a job as a short-order cook. I was cooking a chicken on the rotisserie
  I was turning the wheel and I was singing "Arrivederci, Roma," and a drunk came by and he said, "You got a nice voice but your monkey's on fire....
• I make stained-glass contact lenses--for people who want to sleep in church. -- London Lee
• ARTHUR: You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
  BLACK KNIGHT: Had enough? ARTHUR: You stupid bastard....
• My father got my mother a telephone in the limousine.
  Big deal, every time it rings he has to run down to the garage and answer it. -- London Lee...
• I had the chance to go to London a couple of months back.
  Had kind of a weird flight over there, though, 'cause one of the flight attendants got very angry with me....
• Conservative Definition of Compassion: I got mine, Jack.
• We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? -- Lee Iacocca
• Skinner: If I were a truant boy out for a good time, I'd be right here
  he Springfield Natural History Museum. [chuckles] You're mine, Simpson....
• No more twit replies required. I got it! Thanks all!