Related:

• Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother--she looks like my father. -- Tony Randall
• So it's my birthday. Big deal!!
• I was walking down 126th Street on my way to work. Met a fella.
  He said, "Moms, I hate this, I really hate this, but, Moms, gimme some money!...
• My mother invented me. My father denies!
• I can see him a'comin' With his big boots on, With his big thumb out, He wants to get me.
  He wants to hurt me. He wants to bring me down. But some time later, When I feel a little straighter, I'll come across a stranger Who'll remind me of the danger, And then....
• I got a 486DX2/66 for my girlfriend - What a deal!
• As the expected time of birth drew near, the mother-to-be asked her obstetrician, "Will my husband be permitted to stay with me during my delivery?
  "Certainly," the doctor answered. "The father should always be present at the moment of birth....
• If you can remember to say 'Alzheimers' every day, then you havn't got it.
  -- My father (a doctor)...
• My mother is NEVER on time! -- Worf