Related:

• I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick.
  Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold....
• I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits.
  If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed....
• Back when I was attending the University of Utah, The Daily Utah Chronicle ran a joke ad for a debate between Phil Donahue and Whiskers the Lamb.
  Over 30 people showed up. (what they were expecting, God only knows.)...
• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? -- Pick up line
• When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I had some morals, luckily, I got my money back.
• I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits.
  If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed....