Related:

• COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
  In the Roman Catholic Church feasts are "movable" and "immovable," but the celebrants are uniformly immovable until they are full....
• MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.
  It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with....
• HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...