Related:

• PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority.
  It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents....
• CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears.
  There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets....
• APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism.
• HERS, pron. His. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• RED-SKIN, n. A North American Indian, whose skin is not red -- at least not on the outside.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• INCUMBENT, n. A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...