Related:

• PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole.
  The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience.
  In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others....
• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...