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• It is a sad fact that 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce.
  But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones! -- Richard Jeni...
• They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.
• Luanne: I want a divorce! [everyone gasps] Kirk
  [surprised] I... I... a divorce? [resolute] Sure....
• All marriages are mixed marriages. -- Chantal Saperstei
• Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
• Half a loaf is better than no rest at all.
• My parents went to Tehran and all I got was this lousy death shroud.
• An optimist is one who thinks that Schrodinger's cat is half alive.
• My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights -- or very early mornings -- when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and
  instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour ....