Related:

• Did you hear that some experimental botanist has developed a strain of marijuana with aphrodisiac properties that he calls TUMBLEWEED.
• You need to lose weight.
• If you want work well done, select a busy man -- the other kind has no time -- Elbert Hubbard
• With a little luck, there's no reason why you can't live to be one hundred.
  Once you 've done that, you've got it made, because very few people die over one hundred....
• Long's Notes 1) Always store beer in a dark place.
  2) Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent....
• Burns: The telephone has been ringing for some time.
  [severely] Answer it. Homer: [answers] Yello....
• Anonymous Noncoward writes, "For my Economics 101 class, I have to pretend to be Bill Gates and write an editorial defending Microsoft against anti-trust charges, citing economic principles.
  To complete such an assignment violates every moral fiber of my body....
• Everthing is farther away than it used to be. It is even twice as far to the corner and they have added a hill.
  I have given up running for the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to....
• You can lead practically any animal to water, but if you can get that critter to blow bubbles through a straw, then by golly, you've done something.