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• No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.
  -- Fran Lebowitz...
• Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.
  It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens....
• If you're going to America, bring your own food. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studie
• The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
  -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studie...
• Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
  -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studie...
• Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine.
  You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star....
• Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
  -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studie...
• Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount of money.
  But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and an unlimited amount of money....