Related:

• Life is wonderful, but of course a few people do die.
  I've noticed how thoughtful they are - they manage to die in alphabetical order....
• Casey came home from seeing the doctor looking very worried.
  His wife said, "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life....
• Good morning. My name is HAL. My instructors name is Dr.
  Chandraseknasar. He has taught me to sing a song....
• My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell till I married her. -- Hal Roach
• I've always thought respectable people scoundrels, and I look anxiously at my face every morning for signs of my becoming a scoundrel.
  -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)...
• There's always one guy who tries to impress you with how big a joint he can roll.
  The guy takes the Sunday Times, drops a kilo brick in with the strings on it ....
• Coconuts This morning I shot an elephnt in my pajamas.
  How he got in my oajamas I'll neverknow. --Groucho Marx...
• Without guns, how are we gonna shoot anybody? We need guns.
  You never can tell when you're walking down the street you'll spot a moose....
• My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. -- Fred Alle